Baby Katsu
by TheOtherWorldliNess
Summary: Deidara, being the unruly idiot that he is, decides to kidnap an orphaned suna baby. Sasori, needless to say, is less than pleased. Now they have to look after a baby! And, oh great, Pein has a trick up his sleeve! *DeiSaso! T for swearing and implyment.*
1. Naming Process

A/N: DeiSaso here, though it could be interpreted as SasoDei if you kinda skim over the words without reading it. XD Yeah, I like this one-shot. I was looking up Japanese names because I was writing another story, and I laughed real hard when I saw this. 'Kay, enough. Onto the story!

Disclaimer: Don't own nothing. . Damn you double negative! Do own nothing. Don't own anything. Whatever.

--

"Soooo… What're we gonna name him?" The blonde asked, staring down at the tiny red-headed baby sleeping in the make-shift cot. It was sound asleep, only making small snuffling noises every once in a while. A genuine smile came to the bomber's face as the tiny thing let out a little yawn and stretched slightly. Sasori crossed his arms impatiently, glaring up at his taller lover.

"We wouldn't have to name it if you hadn't of stolen it from the orphanage!" Sasori hissed, before turning to the baby. It did look like his, but it couldn't possibly have the puppeteer's skill. Even if it did come from Suna, it was a rare chance. Deidara rolled his single visible eye at the older redhead, before wrapping one arm around the puppet's waist. Sasori stiffened, not wanting to forgive the blonde quite so soon. Deidara pulled Sasori closer; resting his chin against the shorter's head.

"I thought you'd make a good mommy." The blonde said simply, and resisted the urge to snicker when he felt the hate radiating off of Sasori. The redhead tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but failed miserably and only got pulled in closer. "Anyway, I thought we could call him Katsu." He added, looking down at Sasori to see his reaction. The puppeteer merely, looked up at Deidara, thoroughly confused.

"It means 'Victory'." The bomber said, no longer looking at Sasori. The redhead followed his gaze to see the young baby looking at the two men, unnerving green eyes wide. Suddenly, it cracked into a big smile, and pulled itself up over the side of the cot. Unfortunately, the cot was around three feet up, and the baby fell over, head first. Sasori's eyes widened, and before he knew what he was doing, a puppet had come from its shelf and had caught the baby, safe and sound. The baby gurgled happily, pulling on the puppet's long black hair.

"A very good mommy." Deidara murmured, grinning wildly. He released Sasori to walk to the baby, taking it out of the puppet's hands. He swung the baby up high, before holding it properly, and returning to Sasori. Sasori watched as Deidara held out the baby for him to grab. Hesitantly, he took the baby, and held it gently, rocking it slightly back to forth.

"You want to be called Katsu?" Sasori murmured, still monotone. He brushed a red cowlick out of the baby's face, causing it to gurgle happily. It took a hold of Sasori's hand, and began sucking and biting on Sasori's index finger. The puppeteer laughed slightly. Deidara's arms encircled his waist, grinning madly at his lover.

"Does this mean-?" The blonde began, full of hope, but was cut of by a sharp glare from the older man.

"No, still no sex Deidara. You brought home a baby, for Pete's sake!" The redhead hissed, hoping Deidara didn't notice the fact that he was cradling the little boy closer to his chest. The blonde pouted, bringing the older redhead into his body.

"Please? He likes you! At least it's not one of those screaming babies!" Deidara whined, looking into the cold maroon eyes of the puppeteer. Sasori sighed, and the blonde grinned, knowing he had won. His arms tightened round the older's waist. Then, because karma is a bitch, Katsu started crying.

"Deidara, you are so dead!"

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A/N: Go to: http : / / www . 20000 - names . com / male japanese names . htm and search Katsu. It's really there! XD If you enjoyed, or found this oh-so-very strange, please tell me so!


	2. A matter of life or death

**A/N**: Ohhh-yes! -Churchill the Dog impression- I got asked, like, twice (XD) to carry this story on, so I am. I do NOT know where this is going, but I know I'm going to enjoy writing it.

**Disclaimer**: I am as likely to own Naruto as I am to understand Oxymoron's. That is; not very likely.

* * *

Leader clicked his tongue in an irritated fashion, swinging slightly from side to side in his chair. Deidara was currently carrying Katsu, as he had been named, who had promptly fallen asleep just after Pein had found him screaming. And Leader was now trying to find out exactly why Deidara had taken the baby.

"You, an S-Ranked nukenin from Iwagakure, felt sorry for a baby?" Pein questioned, rubbing his temples. Deidara nodded once, looking to his lover for support. Sasori stood by the doorframe, next to Konan. Both exchanged glances, and Sasori then winced as Pein stated the obvious to Deidara. "The only orphanages in Suna are Civilian orphanages. They kill orphaned ninja children." A little 'Oh' noise came from Deidara. Obviously, he did not know the obvious.

"So, not only do we have another mouth to feed, body to clothe and person to train, but this child is absolutely useless in the art of ninja, which is what this organisation is all about." Pein looked sternly at Deidara, who nodded slowly, almost hesitant. Sasori did not expect what was coming next. Perhaps a 'Send it back now' or 'Put it in the closest village', but- "Kill it."

"No." Sasori firmly stated, taking a step forward. Deidara turned around, looking at the redhead with an incredulous expression. He clearly didn't think of arguing with Pein himself. Pein merely delicately raised an eyebrow, amused that Sasori, and not Deidara, had argued. "There is no reason to kill _him_." The older redhead clarified, putting the stress on 'him'.

"Oh?" Pein questioned, a smirk playing on his lips. "No reason to kill a useless weapon? What good is a child without the ability to control _it_s chakra?" The leader laced his fingers together, and put his hands under his chin, looking at Sasori. Said man scowled.

"Have you, the all-knowing God, not heard of the child from Sato no Kohonagakure? I believe he has not the ability to control his charka, yet he is a Chuunin." Maroon eyes clashed with grey, and neither redhead moved for a moment. Pein looked away, at the baby in Deidara's arms, and a sadistic smile was placed upon his lips.

"You keep the kid." There was a pause, one that felt as if it needed something to fill it. Sasori was just about to speak before Pein filled the gap. "On one condition."

-

"That man is so sadistic." The blonde murmured, not daring to look at his partner. A faint blush covered his own cheeks, and, if the puppet still had blood in his veins, he would've sworn that the older male would be as red as his hair. Sasori 'hn'd, glaring at the ground, wishing it to swallow him up. He had half a mind to go back and tell Pein to kill the brat, but that would disappoint Deidara.

"Saso-chan, you don't have to do this…" Deidara murmured, wrapping his free arm around the redhead's shoulders. A soft kiss was placed in his red locks, and the three, including Katsu, stood there for a moment.

"Don't call me that Deidara." The older said firmly, pulling away from the blonde. Normally, this would've upset him, but he knew that this was Sasori's way of saying 'it's alright'. Deidara grinned, looping one arm around his lover's shoulders, taking huge strides to their room. Now, all they had to do was think of a way. May take a while, but it'd do.

Sasori looked at the baby which he was now carrying, the smaller head buried in his chest; breathing gently and peacefully. Yes, Sasori was a cruel mercenary who had killed hundreds, if not thousands of people. He was a teenager when he had turned himself into a puppet. Deidara had been the first person in twenty years to warm the ice heart inside the wooden container, a task which Sasori had previous thought as impossible.

And, yet, as he stared at the little baby in his arms - which, strangely, looked a lot like him - he knew that, somehow, even with the oh-so-sadistic Pein and his little 'comprise', everything was going to be alright.

-

As Deidara and Sasori sat in their room, trying to think of a way - any way - to complete their half of the deal, someone came into the room. Sasori kept his eyes on the baby, knowing it would be either Konan or Pein, the rest having specific orders to stay away from the duo's room. When Deidara didn't grunt and return to look at the baby, Sasori gathered that it must've been Konan.

"I have an idea." This was all that was needed to be said, as Sasori spun around, giving Konan his full attention. The bluenette smiled, going to the sleeping baby and picking him up. Somehow, the child looked natural in Konan's arms, as an aunt or godmother. Sasori frowned at the latter option; knowing that would mean _Pein_ would have to be the godfather.

"What is it?" He asked, and Konan rocked the baby back once or twice. She smiled at the duo, before sitting down at the end of the unused bed. Unused, because, of course, Deidara and Sasori slept in the same bed.

"Well, it's more of a theory, then an idea, but it'll work." She said, and both males nodded, waiting for what she was going to say. They both knew, no matter what path they chose, that life as an S-Rank was going to get a hell of a lot harder. 'But,' Sasori mused silently. 'It may just be worth it.'

* * *

**A/N**: Well, that was interesting, wasn't it? Yes? No? Maybe?

Does anyone want to know what Saso-chan and Dei-kun (with lil' Katsu-bozu) hve to do? Yes? No? Maybe?

Review, if you wish, and we shall find out!


End file.
